Don’t get me wrong, I am not addicted to porn. The issues in my marriage were not even sex-related. I just did not have the best marriage and watching porn somehow resolved some of our marital problems.
Watching Porn To Cope With Wife’s Anger Issues
I am Ajay, married to Siya. My wife has always been a little short-tempered. I still remember when we first met. That day seemed so perfect. We talked for the whole evening while strolling from coffee shop to seaside to mall and by the time we were done, it was midnight. The mall security asked us to leave as they had to close. That’s how we came to know the time. But after that, for our second date, I got a bit late. She was waiting for me. She started to call me repeatedly until I got there. “You should know I don’t like to wait, you should always be there before me.” “Sorry, I got stuck in traffic.” “Whatever! Let’s just go.” We, then, left to go to a coffee shop. There we ordered some food. I was actually busy eating and she was talking. She started to yell at me again. “Don’t you understand? I am talking to you and you are just focused on your food! Listen to me when I talk or just fuck off from here.” I was trying to calm her down and listen to her talk. Things then went well.
I still decided to marry her
I was actually intimidated by her rage. Anger takes over her mind sometimes. Still, I proposed to her and she accepted. Two days of my life went without a brawl. The day I met her and the day I proposed to her. We got married sometime in September. The marriage was a small gathering. Everything went pretty well, which I did not expect. The days after that went well till say 6 months and then things started to change. My dear wife would freak out on even small things. She would yell at me for not taking a shower once I got home. If the TV remote was lying somewhere other than the place designated by her. Or if she wanted to find something and she was unable to. Even if I came home a little late. Her temper was increasing day by day. She would yell at me while making love. This sounds funny but it was if she was either getting irritated by something, something was not right, and many other reasons. We reduced talking to each other. We stopped being intimate with each other. I found relief in watching porn. What else I could do! At least, porn would not yell at me or cause me any stress.
Porn to the rescue
Watching porn became my new habit. Gradually, I started to indulge in it so often that I got addicted to porn. I’d spend all my free time watching porn. I was so addicted that I lost interest in making love or any physical intimacy. As it is, I wanted to avoid an everyday duel. Even if my wife wanted to be intimate, I was least bothered. I definitely did not initiate or intend any intimacy. I was happy with whatever pleasure I got from porn. My big secret was not hidden for a long time. I managed to hide it for 3 years. In these 3 years, we never made any love at all. I’d watch port for sexual gratification too. But soon this became frustrating for my wife. She then discovered my secret. She said, “Are you crazy? You are a useless freak and you are a porn addict.” I told her, “Yup, I like watching porn. So what?” She then said, “You have lost your manhood. Leaving your wife aside you want to watch porn.” I said to her, “At least, porn does not yell at me and I feel at peace when I watch it. I don’t care if you call me anything.”
You disgust me!
I think it’s okay to watch porn after marriage. She did not feel the same. She said, “You are disgusting and I did not expect this from you.” I was calm and relaxed now. I told her, “You need to be mentally treated for your anger management issues. It is because of you I got addicted to porn. Watching porn is actually better than cheating on you. I love you so much that I could not think of cheating on you, so I resorted to this recourse. “But you never loved me. You always yell at me for small reasons and don’t even bother to hear me out or consider my opinion for something. The everyday duel was giving me a lot of stress. This stress I could not handle. Do you even remember in our four years of marriage how many times we’ve spoken peacefully or spent days without you yelling at something?” Siya, then, seemed to realize her mistake. She seemed to reflect a lot on our relationship arguments. She asked me, “Why did you not say this earlier but waited for 3 long years?” I told her, “I did try to tell you so many times, but you were not prepared to hear. Today, since you felt the seriousness of the situation, by God’s grace you at least heard me out.” Siya has consulted a doctor for her anger management after the big day and now things are much better. I have also come out of my addiction to porn. But it was truly porn that saved my marriage. (As told to Mehul Vora)
