You can not just utter the words suddenly and say: Mom and dad, I have a boyfriend! Try to find why you are worried before telling them. Is that they think you are too young to date or is that because of the type of guys that you choose. The key to being successful in your communication is, to be honest with your parents, find the right time and place to say it, and most importantly be sure of this relationship. 13 ways on how to tell your mom and dad/parents that you have a boyfriend:
1. Choose the right time and the right way
The right time to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend is the time that you are sure about your relationship – You’re both sure about this relationship, he introduced you to his friends and/or family, and you’re about to do the same. It depends on your age, your life goals, what point of life you’re in, it depends on what type of relationship you have with your parents, and how you see your present and future with this guy. Signs that you’re ready to tell your parents you have a boyfriend – the right timing has come:
- You feel safe with this guy and he is excited to have you in his life.
- You don’t feel like you are doing something wrong.
- You can feel it in your gut that there is no need to hide it anymore.
- Choose the moment that you feel at ease and you know that there is nothing wrong with you being in a relationship at that time.
- Any moment that you feel close to your parents. When they are happy, calm or you are having a personal conversation with them. When it comes to the right way of telling your parents:
- Be confident about it, not arrogant, confident.
- Have a calm approach, and try to not overwhelm them with information.
- You’re mature (or in the process), sit down with them and start the conversation with “I feel like sharing something with you…”
- You’re sharing something that makes you happy, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Get rid of fear.
- Be open to their opinions and their advice they might want to share, calmly.
2. Open up to the more understanding parent
If you have a hard time communicating with one parent, then open up to the more understanding one. If it comes down to “How to tell your strict dad that you have a boyfriend?” Then let your mom know, she’ll help to form a more secure bridge between you and your dad in this situation. Tell your ‘more understanding’ parent smoothly why you chose this guy, why you chose this moment to tell her, ask her politely to convey the information to your dad.
3. Take small steps and introduce him as a friend at the beginning
If you have strict parents then the safest way to introduce a guy in their life is to be friends with him first. Your parents will get the needed time to know him and see how he interacts with you. It would be easier for them to start and accept him as your boyfriend later on.
4. If needed: Ask for extra help from your siblings or your best friend to open this topic
A best friend or your sibling’s magic help might just be needed here! If you don’t feel ready yet to tell them by yourself, have your siblings or best friend make the pace for you. The situation will be less embarrassing and you’ll feel more relaxed if someone opens the topic and then you’ll add your comments and tell the story.
5. Create a route before telling, drop hints!
If you have never dated before and want your parents to take this relationship seriously then you should start dropping little hints to them. Don’t reveal the whole information at the same time. Ask them smoothly what would they think if you started dating now or what would they think if you would be interested in someone at this moment.
6. Write down what you are going to say about him & practice
This doesn’t mean that you should overthink the whole process but it makes the difference if you list down some of the crucial points that you want to mention to them, and practice how you’re going to say those. Write down the first lines you’ll say, why you chose this guy, how you met, how you are aware of its risks, how he makes you happy, how he loves you, how you feel content with him, how you’re happy. Practice them with your friends or in front of a mirror – just make sure you don’t overdo it because it can make you feel stuck.
7. Tell your parents why this relationship is important to you
They may have their doubts that you are going to end up being hurt from a relationship, if your relationship is toxic, or that you’re too young to start a relationship. Make those doubts go away by letting them know what qualifies this guy to be your boyfriend. Maybe this guy makes you feel like no one that you have met before, he is more caring than any other boyfriend that you had, you have similar life goals or it might be as simple as that: You just have clicked!
8. Drop his name casually through a conversation or even through a text
Mention his name casually and link that to his good traits. This is one way to trigger your parents and let them know that you might have someone in your life. You might say: “Jake, this guy I met at Jenna’s party, has constructed and built a treehouse by himself. He’s pretty fun to be around too.” Or you can text your mom and say: Hey mom, do you remember Mason, the guy that I’ve met at Dodger’s Game? I’m going out with him tonight, I’ll be back home soon.”
9. Focus on his characteristics that that made you choose him as your partner
When you finally start telling your parents you have a boyfriend, start listing the things that you like about his personality. Note how you’re happy and safe around him, how he motivates you, how he’s the reason for a specific achievement, etc.
10. Schedule a meeting between your parents and him
At last, after giving your parents an idea of you having a boyfriend, organize a cute meeting. It could be a nice brunch or a peaceful picnic near the lake. Choose a place that can make you feel relaxed and be intimate/personal at the same time. Find a nice place to meet, avoid crowded places or holidays/family gatherings – Choose a nice setting and avoid being in a crowded place or being a part of your family gathering during holidays. Since you don’t know how your parents are going to react to your decision it is better to be present with only you two and them.
11. Approach your parents calm and straightforwardly
First, know what your parents think of people that do not have the same beliefs or culture as yours. If your boyfriend is of another race or religion, try to have a calm approach to it. Let them know of his importance in your life. Be straightforward and calm. Explain to them what makes him outstanding. Be prepared to expect any type of reaction.
12. Be open and tell them how you two met
If you met him on dating apps, and your parents aren’t much into it, then you can bend the truth a little… Just a little bit. In other cases, you shouldn’t lie about the way you met. Let them know that you’re safe, it’s what parents are most concerned about. If he’s a player, he’ll break your heart. Your pain will break your parents’ hearts too. They’re concerned, and it’s understandable. The way you met tells a lot about the safety part. Listen to their comments, and if needed explain.
13. If you are in a long-distance relationship…
The idea of a long-distance relationship can be terrifying for your parents too. So it’s important to let your parents know what LDR is and how it works. The idea of an LDR can make your parents skeptical about your relationship, explain to them what type of relationship that is and how you can make it work. Try to answer their questions and participate.
Extra tips before/while/after you tell your parents you have a boyfriend!
- Know if you’re ready to be in this relationship Parents – strict/overprotective parents, especially – need reassurance and clear evidence when it comes to dating and relationships. They need to be sure that your feelings are true about this guy. For your parents to feel secure about your wellbeing in this relationship, you need to be secure and ready to be in this relationship too. Don’t let them know yet if your relationship is unstable, or if you’re unsure of where the connection is headed.
- Don’t be secretive and don’t keep him as your little secret Keeping secrets from your parents isn’t very suitable for you whether you’re a teenager or an adult. If you’re a teen girl and don’t know how to tell your parents about this, instead of meeting or talking to your boyfriend in secret, discuss with your parents the dating rules that they have for you. Let them know why you are ready to date.
- Earn your parents’ trust, show that you’re capable of dealing with this situation Talk and act like an adult if you want to be considered as such. You tell them the reasons or characteristics that made you like this guy and what exactly made you consider him your boyfriend. Was his personality, the way he treats you, how he interacts with others, or just his smile?
- Have a photo of him shown to your parents Showing photos of him to your parents will give them some type of connection before meeting him in person.
- You can be creative, tell your story via a video or a compilation of photos A cute way to describe your boyfriend to your parents before you introduce him to them is to share a compilation of your videos or photos. It’ll help them have a clearer idea.
What to do if your parents don’t approve of your relationship?
Once you tell them, they may approve or disapprove. If they disapprove of your relationship, then here are a few tips to follow to handle that situation:
- Listen to what they’re saying. Get to know the reason that they don’t want you to be with that guy.
- Find a mutual way to get this relationship to work. If it’s his personality or the job that he has now then these things with mutual understanding and work can change. Of course, if you two are willing to maintain the relationship.
- Analyze their reasons for objecting to your relationship, try to see if those reasons make sense from someone who loves you. If you are already independent and you think that you don’t need your parents’ approval or opinion then check out if this relationship will make you choose between them and your partner.
- Try to figure out if he really has feelings for you. If you feel that he is the right one and that your parents are overreacting since they are not ready to face the fact you are in a relationship, then make them learn step by step that you love this man and how this relationship is good to you.
- The last one, don’t overreact. Be calm and ready to accept their opinion too. Understand that they love you deeply and are concerned. Try to see it from their point of view. Give it some time.
Questions that your parents might ask you about your boyfriend: Be prepared!
Whether this is your first relationship or not, parents are going to have a lot of questions. But here are the basic ones. It is not easy to break the ice when it comes to revealing your boyfriend to your parents. No matter what age you are. But there is one thing you can do: Be confident, and upfront on how happy you are with this relationship. They love you, they’ll be happy to know you found someone decent. Before they’re happy about it, they’ll need answers to their questions; I assume you’ll happily answer them! Best of luck, Callisto
