What is an extramarital affair?
When you decided to take the marriage vows, you were very sure what they were going to be – loyalty, understanding and being there for each other till the end of your life, until all your teeth fell out. But soon the spark in your relationship faded and marriage became a legal burden tying two loveless and lifeless spouses. And then, you met this person outside your marriage that suddenly seemed to be what you were looking for. They made you feel loved and wanted again. They combined great sex with passion and connection with your inner soul. And life became perfect once again. That is called an extramarital affair – a sexual relationship, passionate attachment or even a romantic friendship shared between two individuals outside the confines of their respective marriages. An extramarital affair can be an emotional rendezvous or a physical affair. While emotional affairs are characterised by the bonding between the man and the woman, the physical affairs are more or less for sexual gratification. It is not rare for an emotional affair to end in bed, and if it does, it disrupts the equation of the marriage irrepairably. While sexual affairs are primarily for satiation of physical desires, emtional affairs often threaten the marriage more than physical affairs. No matter what type of an extramarital affair takes place, the sanctity of a marriage, faith and the whole relation gets threatened and challenged. And more challenging is the part when one discovers the affair but does not know how to react. Some partner’s are driven to suicide, and some feel trapped when they are dependent on their spouses. Extramarital affairs usually require a set of deceptive skills in lying, safeguarding secrets, manipulation and negotiation.
Why do married couples indulge in extramarital affairs?
Oliver Markus, the author of Why Men and Women Can’t Be Friends, describes extramarital affairs as a ‘moment of weakness’ in couples. There is a constant battle between what the body wants and what the civilised part of the mind warns not to do, in order to avoid the negative consequences of cheating on one’s partner. Sometimes couples lose this battle and have an extramarital affair. Related reading: 10 Signs your husband is having an emotional affair
Top 8 reasons for extramarital affairs
Let us take a look at the top 8 reasons why married couples enter into an extramarital affair.
How do I know that my partner is having an extramarital affair?
If you have been observing your partner closely there might be some visible warning signs that your partner is having an extramarital affair. Some of the signs of a cheating spouse are:
6 tips to effectively deal with your partner’s extramarital affair
Dealing with your partner’s extramarital affair is like sailing through an emotional storm. You live your life half-heartedly and start doubting your partner’s every motive and word. One moment you feel pure rage and the next moment you simply wish to forgive and move on in your relationship. Here are 6 effective tips to keep in mind while dealing with your partner’s extramarital affair.
1. It is not your fault
When confronted, your partner will blame you, your nagging nature or your loss in interest in yourself and the relationship to drive him or her go out and seek love. Do not let these accusations affect you. Do not, at any cost, let these negative opinions ruin your self-respect or confidence. Everyone has a few negative qualities, and your partner would have them too. But did that make you have an affair? No. Your partner is inherently weak and will always keep looking for happiness somewhere outside the marriage. You, on the other hand, are stronger and complete in yourself. You don’t have to carry the blame or guilt.
2. Let go of that anger
It is natural to feel angry and upset to know of your partner’s extramarital affairs. Much as you want, and your partner expects, try not to create scenes and dramatise the whole situation. Such reactions only push people away and manifests bitterness and chaos. Anger in the end will only destroy you. You know that you deserve better. So let it all go.
3. Take time to assess the damage
Do not react impulsively when you have so many factors to consider, for example, your children and your career and home. Some people feel so hurt that they attempt suicide or take to drugs. Your life is precious, and you need to understand the implications on yourself and your family. Plan out what you will do, how will you settle with your life again and be independent. Maybe you are dependent on your spouse for money. Maybe he is very good with the kids. Maybe it was just for fun and just a one time incident. Do not believe what others say but try to get into the details by confronting your partner. Assess what you have in hand and take steps accordingly.
4. Go deeper into your relationship
Instead of burying yourself in rage and blame, calm down and ask some important questions that may help you to understand your relationship and your partner’s extramarital affair. ‘What went wrong?’ ‘What was lacking in the relationship? ‘Are we putting the right effort in the right place?’ If you have been together for long, you would know your partner inside out. And it will be easier to pinpoint what could have prompted him or her to have an extramarital affair.
5. Jot down the lessons
Every bitter experience teaches us some lesson. If possible, jot down yours and make up your mind to never allow yourself to go through such bitterness again.
6. Don’t stop living your life
It is true that life comes to a standstill after learning about your partner’s extramarital affair, but don’t stop loving or living your own life. Grieve, cry, scream, but then bring it all together and get the grip back on your life. Spend time with your friends and family and share your feelings. Do what you love. Pay attention to your health and seek solace in doing things you have always wanted to do. do not beg your spouse for love or attention – don’t cling on to him and neither force him. Don’t expect remorse to take over him, it won’t happen. Be calm, focus on yourself, and let the storm pass by.
How to recover from a partner’s extramarital affair?
Recovery from your partner’s extramarital affair is possible only if you allow yourself and work towards healing. Extramarital affairs have broken as well as mended relationships. Dealing with and recovering from a partner’s extramarital affair is much more difficult in real life than reading in articles. Always remember, relationships are vital and one must always treat them with caution and love.
https://www.bonobology.com/it-is-important-to-save-evidence-against-your-spouse-whos-cheating/
