Some men, who have this fundamental trait of emotionally exploiting women for the sake of physical love, spoil it for other men. These romance scammers tend to overshadow the large number of genuine suitors. Hence, we can’t really overlook the existence of these phonies around us who would do anything to slide into your bedroom. Let me tell you about my friend Emma who is still trying to heal from an episode of deceit and betrayal. The guy didn’t give her any scope to doubt his true intentions – he was that good an actor. Eventually, she fell deeply in love with his big, romantic gestures and adorable words of love while it was nothing but a big lie. It took her five months to discover that he was sharing the same dreams and hopes of a beautiful future with three other girls. All for just one reason, he wants sex but not a relationship. Sounds familiar? Does this leave you wondering, “Is it just sex or does he like me romantically?” Well, find out which red flags to look out for when you’re uncertain how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookup.
Is he with you just for sex?
Are you still sitting on the fence, contemplating the biggest mystery of love? Are you currently with a man who leaves you wondering “Does he like me or just wants to sleep with me?” every time you’re together? You meet, sparks fly, and you have mind-blowing sex, but that’s as far as it goes. When you try connecting on an emotional level, this man who was so into you moments ago suddenly seems distant. Does that make you wary of dating guys in general? If there is any reassurance, you’re not alone. It has happened to the best of us – falling head over heels for a guy who just wanted to get into our pants. The thing about such relationships – if you can call them that – is that there’s a certain enigma to the equation which renders it impossible to decipher the true intentions of the man you’re with. “He never spent the night at my place every time we got together,” says Rachel, a 24-year-old illustrator, “After we made love, he would get dressed and leave the apartment within ten minutes. I could never hold him back to cuddle and sleep for once. In a way, it made me feel very cheap but I trusted him when he said that he needed to look after his grandmother in the morning. Little did I know I would catch him coming out of my neighbor’s building across the street the next morning. He just wanted to have sex with me and that’s that.” There are so many Rachels around us falling for the same romantic traps which shake their self-confidence and push them on the verge of giving up on love. If the ‘does he love me or is it just sex?’ question is keeping you up at night, you’ll find your answer in these 8 tell-tale signs:
1. He’s surrounded by women
If the guy you’re with surrounds himself with women whenever he’s out socially, it’s a clear sign of someone who has a penchant for casual sex. This tendency to stay in proximity of women as much as possible is his way of scoring some action, preferably with different partners. He would try to convince you that they are “just friends” and even try to make you feel guilty for not trusting him. But it’s truly just another one of the signs he only wants you for your body.
2. All your memories together are of great sex
Think back to some of the most memorable moments you’ve spent together. If it all boils down to getting things hot and steamy between the sheets, the writing is on the wall. It looks like you have hardly been on a proper date. All his ideas of romantic dates always circle back to staying at home, getting drunk, and having sex. Do you still want to know the answer to “Is he with me just to have sex?” We hate to be the ones to break it to you, but yes!
3. All your conversations turn sexual
You may be telling him about your day or having a casual discussion about a TV show, and the conversation turns sexual – always, without fail. He has this magic power to somehow fill every discussion with sexual innuendoes. You can rarely get him engaged in a conversation over a sensitive topic, even when you are talking about your emotional distress. Signs he wants to sleep with you are pretty much out there in capital letters, if you find the following instances super relatable. You might say, “You won’t believe what happened at work today!” He’ll respond with a quick, “You got wet thinking about me?” Or you might say, “Let’s get ice cream.” And he’s ready with a “Oh! I’d love to eat some off of you for sure.”
4. He has told you so
Perhaps, when you started dating or hooked up for the first time, he told you explicitly that he’s not looking for anything serious or long-term but you didn’t read too much into it. Now, being with him leaves you with this nagging doubt – “How can he love having sex with me but not love me?” Well, if you revisit those initial conversations, you may well find your answer. And in such cases, we cannot hold him responsible given that he has declared his real intention way ahead of time. Still, if his general insensitivity and the fact that he wants sex but not a relationship are bothering you, talk to him openly regarding this.
5. He contacts you only when he wants to hook up
Your calls to him go unanswered, your texts aren’t returned. He practically up and vanishes for days and reaches out only when he wants to hook up. Your annoyance at his absence is met with a nonchalant “I was busy” or “You have no idea what I was dealing with” that not only invalidates your feelings of anger or resentment but also leaves you unsure whether you have the right to an explanation at all.
6. All your dates involve being at home
You are saying, “He just wants to have sex with me.” Let’s rewind a bit and see if that’s true. Whenever you suggest going to the movies, he wants to stay home and order in. If you want to hang out with your friends, he suggests having a ‘Netflix and chill’ kind of evening. Perhaps for the first few times, you also enjoyed the private moments and the intimacy. But now that it’s turning into a pattern of the same old bedroom activities, it annoys you. If you only get together either at his place or yours and all of your dates lead to sex, there is absolutely no doubt that he’s in it just for the sex.
7. You don’t know anything about him
Has he ever shared any cute little stories with you from his childhood? Where did he grow up? Who was his best friend in high school? Which is his favorite movie? Which baseball team does he root for? I guess you find yourself completely blank when it comes to this personal trivia about your guy. On the flip side, you know his every move in bed like the back of your hand. Well then, the ‘does he like me or just wants to sleep with me?’ question pretty much answers itself. Don’t you think?
8. He hasn’t introduced you to his friends or met yours
If you have been going out for some time now but neither has he introduced you to his friends nor agreed to meet yours, it’s a classic sign of a stunted relationship. You are wondering hopelessly, “Is it just sex or does he like me for real?” The real reason that your relationship isn’t following the natural progression may well be that your guy is in it just for the sex. He sees no point in investing his time and energy into cultivating a bond with you on a deeper level.
Girls, He Wants More Than Just Sex
On the other hand, if the guy values you, he’ll go all the way in trying to develop a deep bond with you. If he is really into you, he will be a companion and a friend besides being a lover, rather than somebody who is only looking for hookups or one-night stands. You know he wants more than just sex when:
1. He wants to have real conversations with you
Know that the guy is into you if all of your conversations do not turn into hurried sex talks. There are a lot of things under the sun to talk about other than just how to get laid. Especially, if he is in love, he will surely ask you about your favorite color or about the shop you got your LBD from. On a day when you are upset over something that happened in your family, he would drop in with a tub of ice cream to sit by your side and listen to you with all the patience in the world. The fact that he is eager to know your inner self is one of the best signs he wants more than sex.
2. He understands your sexual health problems
Sexual health problems are serious and common issues for people with vaginas. From menstrual cramps to more complex problems like PCOD, ovarian cyst, or painful intercourse, we’ve all had our share of these troubles. When a guy cares about you deeply, he will be compassionate about that urinary tract infection or lubrication troubles. Instead of forcing you into it, he would make a doctor’s appointment, take you to the clinic and wait until the day comes when you feel completely well.
3. He is not afraid of being vulnerable in front of you
If he loves you, he will surely let go of toxic masculinity. Even if you don’t realize it, he is your hero – not the uptight kind always looking forward to picking a fight – rather the sweet one who would take care of you and sing Soft Kitty when you are sick. You will notice such good signs he wants more than sex if he doesn’t hesitate to open up in front of you about his emotional pain and inner conflicts. Boys do cry and if he does for you, be assured that you are with the right man.
4. He is really keen on introducing you to his family and meeting yours
You have been on ten dates and he already proposed the idea of meeting each other’s parents. It’s only because he realized that this is the real deal and he is very keen to show you how serious he is about this relationship. Even if his family has an issue with you two dating, what’s life without the quintessential family drama? A guy who loves you is willing to take all that risk, even at the cost of being ridiculed or taken to task. He will stand up for you, no matter what, and stick by his decisions.
5. Your consent matters to him
This guy values your emotions, and even with his hormones raging, he knows when to not ask you to try out that new sex position. Both of you do things keeping in mind the other person’s comfort and desire. Far from the ominous signs he only wants you for your body, his respect for your consent is the most beautiful gesture you can receive in bed. You feel valued for your opinions when someone checks with you before taking it for granted that you too must be interested in the same things.
6. He texts you to tell you about the little things in life
Because you are important, he wants you to know all about him. He never misses the chance to let you know about his life choices or that girl next door who hits on him. Better jealous and loved, than ignorant and stupid.
7. He compliments you on a lot of things
You are no doubt beautiful. But the guy who loves you sees you for something else. With all your stretch marks, unkempt hair, and anxieties, he loves you and leaves no opportunity to shower you with cute compliments every day. Your wonderful voice or that little promotion gives him an extra amount of rush and he can’t wait to tell you how proud he is of you.
8. He wants to spend quality time with you
Apart from the sex, nothing can be more beautiful if he plans a date or a weekend holiday with you. Maybe he even prepares his special pancakes with the smiley faces on them to bring a sweet smile to your face in the morning. And during the long, cold nights, you find comfort in his arms when you curl up on the couch and watch movies. Unless you’re both on the same page and in it just for the sex, being with someone who only wants to get into your pants becomes a toxic experience. Keep an eye out for these subtle hints, lest you fall for the wrong person.
