Unfortunately, not many people realize that the secret to a healthy relationship lies in give and take. A little introspection and a good, healthy look at yourself will go a long way in making you a better partner to your spouse. Or, if you’re still looking, it definitely helps in attracting you the partner of your dreams.
21 Ways To Be A Better Partner For A Better Relationship
You can’t expect a great bond if you don’t have it in you to be a good life partner yourself. The adjustments, sacrifices and understanding that you expect from your lover are what you need to give in return too. But worry not, you can choose to walk the path of a happy relationship provided you develop these qualities:
1. Learn to appreciate
Jen and Jarvis thought they had a pretty good relationship going. However, a few years into their relationship, Jen felt that Jarvis didn’t appreciate her enough anymore. She felt almost invisible in the relationship and this led to a good deal of friction. One of the key reasons why most relationships fail after some years is because couples fail to see the good in each other. One of the qualities of a being a good partner is the ability to appreciate what your beau does. If you want to be a better partner to your spouse, compliment them every now and then. Notice when they dress up for you or cook for you. A warm smile with a ‘great job done’ can go a long way in making them feel special. Once Jarvis realized Jen’s need to feel appreciated, he started noticing when she changed her hair, or remembered to pick up his favorite snack at the supermarket. The magic in their relationship slowly returned.
2. Acknowledge what they do
You know how keeping a gratitude journal is all the rage these days. Well, if you’re wondering ‘how to be a better person in my relationship,’ we recommend keeping a mental gratitude journal. Often, people in long-term committed relationships forget to say the simple words ‘thank you’. From small gestures to major ones, when your partner puts your interest above theirs, do not take them for granted. Make them realize that you are grateful for whatever they do for you and that you will stand by them if the need ever arises. If you are grateful for what you share, there is little chance of them looking elsewhere for appreciation.
3. Improve your sex life
Agreed, it is difficult to have a great sex life all the time in a long-term committed relationship. After a while, sex can get monotonous and boring and start to seem more like a chore. It’s all the more a reason to rev things up in the bedroom. Take the lead, read up on articles, watch some YouTube videos, invest in sex toys if need be, buy some sexy outfits… they may all sound like clichés but these old tricks and treats are great relationship tips if you want to spice up your love life. Besides, it’s tough to be a better partner to your spouse if you’re sexually frustrated yourself!
4. Listen to their complaints about you
The art of listening goes a long way in building a solid relationship. Often you might feel that you’ve got yourself a nagging spouse. Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe they’re not? Maybe they have a point and you need to improve on some aspect. Kristen and Holly had been at loggerheads for a while. Holly felt that Kristen nagged her constantly and pointed out too many shortcomings. Kristen felt that Holly simply didn’t listen to her. When they finally realized that they needed to sit down and resolve this, Holly realized that once she listened to Kristen carefully, it wasn’t criticism, but caring. Kristen, too, realized that even though she meant what she said with love, she could reframe her words to be less harsh. Listening patiently without any negative reaction is one of the qualities of a good partner. It is difficult, no doubt, which is why you have to put in the effort to build trust in a relationship.
5. Never underestimate the power of small gestures
She says she loves Sex and the City, you find it trite. Nevertheless, you gift her a DVD set of the series. He loves his soccer though you don’t know the difference between Man U and Chelsea. Yet, you source some precious soccer memorabilia and surprise him with it. A happy relationship is made up of these cute moments where you go out of your way to do something that will please your partner. The smallest of gestures can have the biggest impact, so don’t hesitate!
6. Stay away from the phone
There is nothing more irritating than browsing or constantly looking at your phone when your partner is discussing something important. Yes, the cell phone has become an all-important accessory but learn to live without it for a few hours each day when you spend time with your partner. Given them your undivided attention and don’t let your phone become a constant source of distraction. Unless you’re trying to be a better partner in a long-distance relationship, in which case go ahead and attach that phone to your palm. If not, be present and make some eye contact with your partner instead of your screen.
7. Stop being a parent to your partner
We hate to break it to you, but all of us tend to baby our partners. After many years together, there is a tendency, especially among the dominant partner to behave like a parent. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be equals. It can get rather annoying for your partner to hear you patronize them, talk down to them or try and take charge of their lives. There is a difference between supporting your spouse and being their parent. Know it and maintain that boundary.
8. Plan dates
Peter and Alice had been married 18 years and the spark was missing in their relationship. They no longer planned fun outings or date nights. Finally, Alice took matters into her own hands. She planned a romantic dinner, made Peter dress up and they made a night of it. It brought back the glow in their relationship, so much so, that they now schedule date nights at least once a month. Date nights should not be planned only when you are in the first flush of a relationship. It is important at all stages of a relationship. And don’t give that old excuse of not having the time to go on a date. Look up the ‘what to do’ segment in newspapers. You will find plenty of choices. From plays to adventure sports to a short staycation to discovering a new restaurant in town, planning a date night is always fun. And if you want to be a better partner in a long-distance relationship, plan video chats, or watch movies together.
9. Learn to disagree respectfully
‘How to be a better person in my relationship?’ you’re wondering. A major part of it is to disagree with respect. Things won’t be hunky-dory between you and your partner all the time. Heck, you might find yourself arguing about the silliest of reasons. That’s when the principle of ‘respectful disagreement’ becomes most important. You don’t have to say yes to everything your partner says. That would be unhealthy! But you can always put your viewpoint without having to resort to taunts, barbs or anger. Just disagree respectfully.
10. Keep the communication alive
Here is an important relationship tip: never allow the couple’s communication between you and your partner to break down. It’s the core of a healthy relationship. When you share a strong connection with your partner, you will be always communicating with them even during the roughest patches. You can’t be the perfect partner all the time but you can certainly do the right thing, one of which is to keep in touch with your SO.
11. Don’t play guessing games
While we’re on the subject of communication, here is another ground-rule: whatever you say, be clear and precise. Learn to talk about your needs, wants, desires and opinions clearly, right from the beginning. Guessing games are fun in the initial days of a relationship but not later. Don’t expect your partner to be Nostradamus and know what you are feeling at all times.
12. Have realistic expectations
If you’re thinking, ‘how to be a better person in my relationship?’ do not expect that every day will be the same. We tend to start off romantic relationships with stars in our eyes. Which is fine, but be aware that there will be ups and downs. Sure, there will be days when the mood will be low and you will have second thoughts when the going gets tough. But stick it out. The art of being a good partner is to be a supportive partner during both good and bad days.
13. Learn to apologize
‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ We respectfully disagree! You want to learn how to be a better partner to your spouse? Learn how to apologize to someone you love. Before any other quality, this is one trait you must develop – saying sorry. Ego is one of the biggest killers of a good relationship. Both partners can commit mistakes. When you realize, you are in the wrong, do not hesitate to say sorry. It won’t make you a small person. On the contrary, it is one of the best ways to resolve a conflict head-on. Sorry, like ‘thank you’ is a powerful word.
14. Develop other friendships
They say you have to be your partner’s best friend. They say you have to spend time together. Sure you do. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t have any other friends or a social life. A healthy relationship does not mean an obsessive relationship. Give each other a break too. A woman should spend time with her gal pals while the man should not hesitate to go out with his buddies every now and then. When Anne was pregnant, she had high expectations from her husband Jacob. When he fell short of her expectations, she grew frustrated. Then she found an online WhatsApp group of first-time moms in her neighborhood. As she chatted with them, she found an alternate support system, which meant Jake did as much as he possibly could, but got a break as well. Being a better partner during pregnancy is very important, but don’t heap all your worries on your partner.
15. Take care of yourself
Sandra suffered from depression after she gave birth to her son. Her partner Emily did her best, but was often tired herself. Sure, you always want to be a better partner to someone with depression, but if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others. Now, self-love does not mean selfishness but it just means that you devote time to your happiness and mental peace, which reflects in the way you conduct your relationship. Sandra, too, wondered how to be a better partner in her mental state. “I was constantly thinking how does one become a better partner when you’re depressed yourself? Then I realized I needed to take care of myself before others,” she said. Take care of your body, go to the spa, develop new skills and talents. Become a fully rounded personality which your spouse can fall in love with again and again.
16. Be financially independent
Money has often been a huge bone of contention in relationships. We’re not saying that problems won’t arise if both partners are financially secure, but at least the risk of money-related stress is possibly less. Another plus point is that in these days of job losses and uncertainties, a financially independent person can be a huge support for their spouse, which helps them in being a better partner.
17. Be patient
Patience is the foundation of all the traits you need to be a great partner. It includes everything we have mentioned above – the art of listening, understanding, thinking like a team and so on. Patience also means a willingness to work on your problems and not walk out at the first whiff of trouble. This quality is most needed to be a better partner in a long-distance relationship which has its own sets of challenges. Patience is also key if you want to be a better partner to someone with depression, or a better partner during pregnancy. So, take a deep breath, and remember, you’ve got this.
18. Be open to taking a break
This may sound like a drastic suggestion but sometimes, if there is a conflict, it’s best if a couple decides to stay away from each other. Often problems increase with small incidents flaring up. Spending some time away might help in gaining perspective. A healthy relationship is all about acknowledging the issues and being willing to work on them. And by taking a break consciously, you are actually working on your relationship.
19. Support your partner’s dreams
Once you get together with a person, know that you operate as a team. Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your ambitions or aspirations but give enough attention to your partner’s dreams as well. A person turns to their better half for support for fulfilling their dreams. Want to be a good partner? Listen and emotionally support your SO.
20. Be respectful to their friends and family
You don’t need to be a perfect person. Just be a perfect partner by developing empathy. One way to do it is to respect people and things your partner cares about. You may not love your partner’s family but you can certainly be polite and caring. Similarly, friends are an important part of life. Do not wean your partner away from them. It just shows insecurity on your part, if you do.
21. Stay engaged in the relationship
Your career is important. Family is important. The world is important. So is your spouse. A good partner stays constantly engaged, he or she knows that a healthy relationship is all about nurturing what is already there. From engaging with small gestures to lending unconditional support to your partner’s dreams, standing by them during trouble are all signs of engagement. There is no magic pill to build a great relationship. It requires hard work, effort, and above all, a sense of humor. Everyone dreams of getting a perfect partner but the question is: what are you giving back to them?
