Both spouses have to do their part so that the marriage can run smoothly and efficiently. Imbalance from any one of the partners causes a lot of friction in the marriage. This may result in fights, arguments, and an eventual distance creeping between you and your spouse. And you’re left wondering, “Is it just a rough patch that all marriages go through or something permanent? Is your marriage fraught with signs your wife wants to leave you? Is it possible that your wife doesn’t love you anymore?” These questions can give you many sleepless nights. To help you understand whether your marriage has reached that point of no return, we bring you a rundown on the signs your wife wants to leave you in consultation with clinical psychologist Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), founder of Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, who specializes in couples counseling and family therapy. She is here to share some insights to help you beat the blues.
The Most Alarming 17 Signs Your Wife Wants To Leave You
Every relationship is unique and comes with its own set of challenges, ups, and downs. However, minor bumps along the way aren’t reason enough to give up. Certainly, no one gives up on a happy, fulfilling relationship, and no woman in her right mind would want that. A lot of things have to go wrong in a marriage for your wife to want to leave you. You see, the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever. Once you’re on the other side of it, you’re no longer stealing kisses in front of people. Most relationships slow down and settle into a comfortable pace. If one or both of you stop putting an effort to revitalize the relationship at this stage, cracks and distance can begin to appear. All it takes is a certain amount of involvement in your marriage for you to understand that your wife is unhappy. She does not wake up one morning and decide that she wants to leave you. If you had been paying close attention, you would have been able to spot the signs your wife wants to leave you. Possibly, you only began to pay attention after the damage was already done. If you did miss the early indications that something is amiss in your relationships, take note of these signs your wife wants to leave you.
1. You reading this article is one of the first signs your wife wants to leave you
The very act of you googling “signs your wife wants to leave you” is a sign in itself. Let me explain. You have found some irregularities in her behavior and it has left you perplexed. I am talking about that inner voice that has been telling you your marriage is on the rocks. Slowly, you are starting to realize that your connection is taking a turn for the worse. After having spent significant time living with your partner, there is a comfortable rhythm that the two of you must be set into. An offset in this rhythm is the first warning sign to watch out for.
2. You’re always at each other’s throats
You can’t hold hands when you are too busy pointing fingers. Devaleena explains this by saying, “If the two of you are stuck in a cycle of blaming each other, it does not leave any space for talking to each other. This can go on forever. This circularity of “she did this” and “he said that” could be one of the first signs your wife wants to leave you.” You can deploy several strategies to stop fighting in your marriage. When the blame game takes over, any possibility of a conflict resolution is out of the picture. If this is where your marriage is, you’re in an unhappy one. Constant nagging is a marriage killer. There could be several reasons behind her nagging behavior, maybe she is overworked, doesn’t feel heard, or is overwhelmed by a situation in the house. Perhaps, she is now contemplating putting her happiness first by walking out of the marriage.
3. You’re getting a lot of “You never listen to me”
You learn when you listen. Devaleena says, “In any relationship, healthy communication is crucial because it leads to a feeling of closeness. Feeling heard in her marriage is important for a woman, it shows her you care. It’s especially important to actively listen to your partner when they seem upset about a problem concerning your relationship or family and you’ve been arguing a lot.” How to tell if your wife wants to leave you? Introspect and see if you have a history of emotionally neglecting your wife by not being there for her. Reflect on the times you’ve had a conversation with her. Were you really there and actively listening to her? Think about the times you’ve fought with each other. Did you fight respectfully with her or were you abusive and disrespectful?
4. “I think my wife is planning to leave me, it’s been a looooong dry spell”
Devaleena says, “If your wife always has an excuse to avoid being intimate with you, either vocally or subtly, it’s time for you to take caution and talk to her about it. Intimacy means different things to different couples. If morning cuddles are out of the question and the dry spell has not broken for a few months, then you have a problem at your hands.” This can be difficult to accept, especially if sex was your way of connecting with each other. But if you’ve not been intimate in a long time or you feel like she is having pity sex with you, then it could be one of the signs your wife wants to leave you.
5. She is secretive about her life and her phone
How to tell if your wife wants to leave you? To answer this question, you need to think back and see if you have noticed any significant changes in her behavior lately. Devaleena says, “A woman is not obligated to share every little detail of her life with her spouse. However, if you know nothing about her daily schedule or whereabouts, this shift in privacy schedule is cause for concern.” A marriage can’t survive the burden of secrets. Transparency and loyalty are the basis for a fulfilling relationship. In many ways, the decision made by a partner reflects on the other. If you’re discovering your wife keeping secrets to the point where you do not know who she spends her time with or why she’s been working late, it’s one of the bad signs your wife wants to leave you.
6. You don’t discuss the future anymore
Living in the present is great advice but if the present is keeping you unhappy, then it’s time to reflect on how things are in your marriage and plan for the future. Devaleena points out, “If your wife has stopped discussing a future together, then she has stopped taking the relationship seriously. When women are in a relationship for the long haul, it’s inevitable for them to think about a shared future.” The conversation about having kids or moving into a bigger house, saving money for the future, and talking about growing old together are important aspects of a marriage. If you have been married for a year or two and are not discussing what the next five years will look like, it is one of the most worrying signs your wife wants to leave you. A woman may not consider it worthwhile to invest her emotions in a loveless marriage that she doesn’t see lasting for the long haul.
7. You’re the only one initiating conversations
If it is always you who starts a conversation over breakfast or dinner and she only responds in monosyllables, then chances are you are in a one-sided marriage. Devaleena says, “A one-sided conversation shows a lack of interest in being with and around the partner. This further manifests in other areas of the relationship and a lack of transparent communication can lead to emotional frustration.” If your wife shows no interest in having casual conversations, she may be feeling a sense of emotional disconnect with you. This can also be one of the signs your wife wants to cheat on you and that you are in a one-sided relationship. She’s distracted and is thinking about someone else she’s met or is attracted to. All warning signs your partner is losing interest in the relationship.
8. She is unbothered about your whereabouts and spends more time with herself
Her being unconcerned with your whereabouts is one of the telling signs your wife wants to leave you. It shows that she has no interest in knowing where you are or what you’re doing. Why is that a bad thing? Devaleena explains, “Being unconcerned is very different from giving a partner space in a relationship. Her lack of interest in your life shows that she cherishes the time she has to herself when you are away. She doesn’t care about who you are socializing with because to her, all that matters is that it means she gets more time to be by herself. “It’s important to note that everyone should have the space to be by themselves in marriage and maintain personal space. However, if your wife appears to be more joyful than usual every time you’re going away, then it’s not about her alone time.” It’s about the resentment she feels when you are around. As far as your wife is concerned, you are the problem in the relationship. Pay attention to her facial expressions and her mood when you’re going out and when you come back home.
9. If she has cheated in the past, she may not be invested in the marriage
Bad marriages don’t cause infidelity, it’s the other way around. If your wife has cheated in the past or you suspect her of cheating on you, it is a major red flag. Devaleena says, “There are several reasons why a woman would cheat in marriage. And if she has a history of cheating either with the same partner or previous partners, it could indicate her lack of commitment to the relationship.” It can be challenging to navigate a marriage once trust is broken. If you have been cheated on by your wife in the past and you start to see the same patterns playing out again, your concern is valid. While it is possible to rebuild trust in your relationship after being cheated on, a repetitive pattern should not be ignored. Notice if her phone is always busy or if she’s very protective of her phone because these are signs of a cheating wife that should not be ignored. If you notice the signs she is cheating on you, the possibility of her walking out of the marriage is not that far-fetched either.
10. The sound of…nothing?
What are the signs your wife wants to leave you? If your wife has stopped arguing with you about anything, you should be worried. The truth is as long as a woman cares and sees a future in the marriage, she will invest her time and energy into making it work. This will sound odd but if she’s stopped arguing or voicing her opinions, then it’s a sign that in her mind she has already given up on the marriage. Do not mistake this silence for peace, it’s actually the calm before the storm. The reason for this silence is the emotional disconnect she’s experiencing with you. Lack of communication affects marriages in a negative way. This painful silence is the time when she’s focusing on building a life without you in it. This is one of the most painful signs your wife wants to leave you.
11. It’s more than a new haircut and reinventing her wardrobe
Has your wife started to focus a lot more on her physical appearance? Devaleena says, “A major transformation in her appearance is telling you that she is bringing the focus back to herself. She needs to look good for the life that lies ahead of her.” If your wife recently got a new haircut and there have been more shopping sprees than usual, it might surprise you but it’s one of the subtler signs your wife wants to leave you. She is redirecting her energy toward loving herself because she is preparing for her life outside the marriage. She may already be seeing someone. You cannot rule out the possibility that these could also be signs your wife wants to cheat on you or probably already is.
12. “I think my wife is planning to leave me, she’s avoiding my friends and family”
Devaleena says, “Once your wife has stopped making an effort to make the marriage work and is focusing on building a life for herself, she would have no reason to be interested in your life. If a woman has truly given up on a relationship, she won’t even look in that direction. So if you have been going to all social events by yourself, it is a problem.” Her lack of involvement in your social life is a hint to you that she is not interested in the people who have anything to do with you. If she always has reasons as to why she can’t hang out with your friends, it’s one of the more obvious signs your wife wants to leave you. But I wouldn’t generalize it either, because if she avoids social interactions, she may be experiencing a midlife crisis, going through something in her professional life, or maybe she just doesn’t like your friends and doesn’t feel the need to pretend anymore.
13. Her social life is suddenly abuzz with activity
Have you come across new and unrecognized faces recently? Devaleena says, “If you’re noticing that your wife’s social life has become more active than ever before and you see a lot of new faces, it indicates that your wife has already taken steps to distance herself from her existing surroundings and is looking for new experiences and people.” She will always have a weekend plan with her friends, colleagues. This might even include some new people and that’s a sign for you to be alarmed. Notice if she gets irritated when you ask her about her plans. Understandably this can leave you feeling lonely in your marriage. These are signs your wife wants to leave you because she is no longer interested in your company. She has her own support system.
14. You are emotionally disconnected from each other
“My wife is done with me, and honestly, I don’t even think I know her anymore,” a reader wrote to us, seeking advice on how best to handle the situation. The root problem in their marriage was emotional disconnection. To which Devaleena says, “Emotional disconnection in marriages is on the rise in this generation. It creeps up slowly and steadily in a marriage, and the sooner it’s identified, the quicker the recovery.” There could be several reasons why your wife feels emotionally disconnected from you. Ask yourself if you have neglected her in the past. Has there been a major change in marriage in the form of children or lifestyles? Instead of panicking over the “my wife is done with me” thought, pause and reflect on the possible reasons behind it. Perhaps, you may find a way to reconnect with your spouse to undo this damage.
15. You are no longer her confidante
It can be exhausting to constantly think to yourself, “I think my wife is planning to leave me.” But this fear is not unfounded if your wife has stopped sharing things with you. Women love to come and share snippets of what happened during their day. I am sure you already know about this. But has she stopped sharing things with you now? If your wife has stopped confiding in you, it’s a sign that someone else has replaced you. If you are lucky, this could have been triggered by common communication mistakes that most couples make. We say lucky because once you recognize them, it’s possible to work on your patterns and undo the damage. However, more often than not, when this happens, the reason is that your spouse has found someone else to confide in who understands them the way you never did. That someone could be a coworker or her best friend. Either way, it’s a flag alert for you because not confiding in a partner damages a relationship beyond repair. It is natural to feel worried and feel lost after finding out that you’re no longer her safe space.
16. “My wife is done with me, there’s a lack of commitment in her behavior”
A lack of commitment can manifest in the form of infidelity in a marriage. Devaleena says, “If your wife doesn’t feel like taking the needed responsibility with a sense of commitment in her marriage, she can be subject to tendencies of infidelity.” One of the primary reasons for a marriage’s failure is a lack of commitment toward one another. Once complacency creeps into your marriage, one or both the partners begin to wander away from the relationship and begin to take their partners for granted. Your troubles get compounded if a third enters your equation.
17. She makes you feel unwanted
At first, it is an occasional feeling and you may try and convince yourself that you are being silly and oversensitive. But the feeling persists and with good reason: your attempts at initiating intimacy are not reciprocated, and your wife is emotionally distant and distracted when she’s around you. These are all causes for concern. Not having your love and effort reciprocated is heartbreaking. Pushing their spouses away is among the things women do that kill love in a marriage, and this happens only when they have emotionally checked out from the marriage. If your wife is always preoccupied and does not make time even after assuring you that she will, that is your cue that she has lost interest in the marriage.
What To Do When Your Wife Wants To Leave You
The signs your wife is planning to leave you are evidence that you both stopped working on this marriage at some point. Just as Rome wasn’t built in a day, commitment in a marriage requires constant work. Every little conversation counts, every little habit matters. It’s important that you pay attention, every single day. Here are some of the things you can work on if your wife has decided to leave you:
1. Go for couples therapy
What to do when you notice the signs your wife hates you? Going into couples therapy may well be your best shot at salvaging the marriage. When your wife doesn’t love you anymore, try to work on it and get that love back by changing patterns and behaviors. Ideally, both partners need to go for couples’ counseling and find new modalities to work on this equation. But, keep in mind that couples therapy is not some miraculous cure that will make all your problems go away. Research points out that the success of therapy has more to do with the client’s mindset than the type of therapy. So, counseling works better for clients who approach therapy with an optimistic view and a will to effect change. Hence, you and your wife have to be patient, passionate, enthusiastic, and consistent during this journey. Online therapy from Bonobology counselors has helped many couples in similar situations and if you are looking for an expert to help, it’s only a click away.
2. Work on self-care and self-love
If your wife has decided to leave you, it’s not the end of the world. By all means, give your best to this marriage but don’t ever make your happiness so dependent on a single person that you feel like you can’t survive without them. Spending some time alone will make you a better version of yourself and hence, a better husband to your wife. And even if your wife leaves you, this self-love will help you fill the huge void in your life. So, every once in a while, take out some ‘me time’. It could be going on a solo trip, shopping alone in a mall, eating alone at a café, running with earphones on, reading a book, or drinking alone at some bar. Become your own best friend. Find your home in yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. The signs your wife is planning to leave you are not easy to digest. You may feel lonely, anxious, depressed, and frustrated. Friendships will help you a lot in this rough phase. Take some time out for childhood friends, who love you even at your worst and don’t judge you or make you feel like you have to pretend in order to be accepted by them.
3. Become creative in your marriage
Commitment and faithfulness in a marriage become easy when there is a sense of novelty. So, noticing the signs your wife hates you is a wake-up call to revamp your marriage. Brainstorm and come up with some creative ideas to bring the spark back into your marriage. Become her best friend. Go on new adventures together. This will strengthen your marriage. River rafting, wine tasting, playing tennis, Salsa/Bachata classes, making new friends as a couple, it could be literally anything. But if your relationship is physically or mentally abusive, it is better to part ways. Abuse must be irreconcilable. If the issues have become so huge that in spite of efforts from both partners there seems to be no resolution, it is better to part ways. Being alone can have its own challenges in life. These can be social, psychological as well as financial. Yet, facing the consequences of staying in an unhappy marriage, especially if there is abuse involved, is not worth it. It can be overwhelming to find out that your marriage may be over. You may even find yourself in an emotional spiral and that can be avoided by seeking professional help. It is possible to save a marriage when two people wish to work together. Sit and reflect on your marriage after having read this article. Ask yourself where do you stand and if this marriage is worth saving or not?
