Mr. Anderson in The Perks of Being a Wallflower once said, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” While it’s sad and true at the same time, we can try to write our narrative from a different perspective where we don’t have to squash our self-esteem to impress someone. Stay with us till the end and we will help you pin down the textbook signs that show you are naively dreaming of a utopian life with your crush that will simply not pan out. To help you out as much as we can, if you need the solution to how to get over a crush who doesn’t like you back, we will also share some fantastic tips to move on.
Painful Signs Your Crush Doesn’t Like You
I had my first crush in school. Back then, having a crush on someone was probably the only exciting thing going on in my life. You know, catching each other’s eyes from across the room, sharing with my friends every detail of a two minutes conversation I’d had with him, passing letters with notes, saving him a seat in the computer lab and so on and so forth. Well, it turned out he was only reaching out to me hoping to date my best friend. I learned that in the school of life, we have to make smarter choices. You can’t let people take advantage of your weakness to manipulate you. So, when you sense you are losing control over reason and falling head over heels for someone, make sure you are not putting in futile efforts where there is no future. These fifteen signs that your crush doesn’t like you could be a good checklist before you do something that you will regret later. Please take a look:
1. The label of friendship
Do you remember, as a child, how so many movies attempted to cast in our mind how love is all about friendship? Well, that thought holds good only if the feeling of love comes mutually from both the boy and the girl. Friend zoning is the classic sign of avoidance when your crush doesn’t like you back. Let’s check the facts. Did he just introduce you to his college friends as bro or dude? Even worse, did she want to pick your brain for ideas to impress somebody else? I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you are so in the friend zone.
2. Do they remember your birthday?
You are pouting all day thinking, “My crush doesn’t like me.” Well, we can play a game to find out if that’s true. During a casual conversation with your crush, slip in some personal questions about yourself. If they don’t know your favorite poem or flavor of ice cream, the picture will be crystal clear. When someone intends to ask you out soon, not only will they know your birthday, they’ll even remember your dog’s birthday. They can name your top five Avengers without thinking twice. I know, liking someone who doesn’t like you back is soul-crushing, but attention to such little details speaks volumes about how much they care about you.
3. They won’t ask about your day
How to know if your crush doesn’t like you? They wouldn’t pay any heed to your personal life, your family or your well-being. Suppose, one morning you are not feeling too well. You had to take off from work and stay in bed. On days like these, we all kind of become a needy baby, seeking comfort from our loved ones. Chances are, despite getting your texts, they will not show you the courtesy of asking about your health. Here’s another example: for the past few days, you’ve been dreading a presentation you have to make at work. A simple, “Good luck – you are going to kill it!” would suffice to calm your racing heart. But instead, they might leave you hanging on those blue ticks without sending a word. Yeah. Don’t waste your time expecting them to ask how it went.
4. Signs your crush doesn’t like you? They never open up
Just as they don’t want to get involved in your life, they won’t let you into theirs. You may blab all about your thoughts and secrets, but when it’s the other way around, there’s nothing. It’s quite natural because when your crush doesn’t like you back, they will not feel the urge to share their stories with you. Tell me, does this seem familiar? You find out on Facebook that your crush has got a big-shot job. There are pictures of her celebrating with her close circle. Did you receive a text or an invitation to the party? When someone is falling for you, they can’t wait to share anything exciting happening in their life. If you didn’t receive that text, I am afraid, it’s a bad sign.
5. They avoid meaningful conversations
It can be really frustrating for a thoughtful and sensitive person when their crush doesn’t initiate any deep conversation about life. If your crush doesn’t feel the same way, they will never want you to catch them in an emotionally vulnerable state. Taking accountability or keeping up with commitments is not one of their strong suits and the moment you point that out, they get outright defensive. So, if you are looking for signs that your crush doesn’t like you, keep an eye out for emotional unavailability.
6. They don’t feel jealous
When your crush doesn’t like you back, why would they exhibit any traits of jealousy seeing you with another guy? There is an easy way to test this hypothesis. Go on a few dates and carefully spread the news via mutual friends to make sure your crush knows about it. Now, do you observe any changes in their behavior? The silent treatment or a certain coldness in their voice? None? Well, signs your crush doesn’t like you dictate that rather than be overcome by the green-eyed monster, they will call up and congratulate you instead.
7. How to know if your crush doesn’t like you? They never try to touch you
Researchers have concluded from studies that a fleeting touch has more potential than you imagine to express deeper emotions. When you are head over heels in love, you will feel the urge to hold their hands, caress their hair or wrap them in your warm embrace. But liking someone who doesn’t like you back can put you both in an awkward position. It is too much to expect that they would initiate any sort of intimacy with you. The sad truth is, your touch might even make them uncomfortable.
8. They are not one of your social media followers
One of many signs your crush doesn’t like you is that they ghost you on social media. More or less everyone is active on Facebook or Instagram these days. A heart on your profile picture or a line or two in the comment section of your travel blog could be a good starting point to express a tinge of admiration. After all, don’t we get so obsessed with finding out if a particular someone has opened our story or not? Believe me, if they like you, they will make their presence visible to you by all means possible.
9. Do they appreciate you enough?
Rather than brooding over reasons why your crush doesn’t like you, stand in front of the mirror. Remind yourself of all the good qualities you possess. You are kind, you are a gem of an artist, you are passionate about your work, you care about people – the list goes on. Unless your crush treasures your uniqueness or adores how cute you look in space buns, what’s the point of pursuing them at all?
10. Lack of compassion is a classic sign your crush doesn’t like you
Remember the day your cat passed away? You were sad, curled up in bed for days. I am sure you shared this pain with that person. Did they for once empathize? ‘’I am coming over. We will scroll through all of Bella’s pictures. And I am bringing tissues, so cry all you want” or, “Let’s go out for ice cream. It will cheer you up for a little while.” This is called empathy. Such small gestures, yet they show their interest in your life, in you. And if you don’t see it, it’s better not to raise your hopes up.
11. They don’t see any future with you
You asked your crush to come to a friend’s party or maybe if they want to look for jobs and shift to the same city as you. Let me guess…the answer came in the negative. In a perfect world, they would love to plan the next five years of their life around you. They will consider your suggestions while making big life decisions. But, you know we don’t live in a Julia Roberts movie with a perfect ending, right? In the middle, you have to play a little Eat, Pray, Love to recognize your strengths and expectations from life.
12. Their eyes don’t sparkle on seeing you
To this day, when I meet my crush or get a small ‘Hi’ in the chatbox, my heart skips a bit. I can feel butterflies dancing all around my stomach. I know, I can vouch you feel that way too. Do you think you’ve caught the same excitement in your crush’s eyes when they see you or talk to you? Is it normal that they reach five minutes earlier than the appointed time when you go somewhere together? Do they immediately post pictures on social media after an outing with you because if the passion is mutual that happy soul would love to share the precious moments they spent with you!
13. They make you feel guilty for caring too much
When we talk about signs your crush doesn’t like you, here’s a big one: When you care for someone, you tend to go overboard when it comes to giving gifts or even your time. In your subconscious, you are probably trying to impress the person with your generosity. However, be it intentional or unintentional, this way you are becoming part of a one-sided relationship. What is even sadder is that your crush may not always value or admire your efforts. It can even backfire as a tragic guilt trip if they make you feel bad about it.
14. They are never awkward around you
Does your crush act ever charming and collected in front of you? Yes, confidence makes a person a hundred times more attractive, right? But you’re missing out on the actual point here – your own behavior around your crush. We tend to behave a little nervously, maybe even foolishly if I may say so, whenever we are in their company. We often try a little too hard to impress them and end up blurting out irrelevant things. I once confused the kitchen door and the washroom door in a restaurant, can you believe it? If you are still wondering how to know if your crush doesn’t like you, the honest truth is that if they don’t show any such awkwardness or hesitation in approaching you, that’s when you should worry.
15. They are seeing other people
It will break your heart in an instant, but that’s your biggest cue. You can safely say, “My crush doesn’t like me,” and try to move on rather than hang around, hoping and praying. Have they asked you to set them up with the cute girl in your office? It’s written in capitals out there – they are unapologetic about seeing other people. Moreover, they didn’t want to take the trouble of tiptoeing around you with their new mate. Do you still want to look for reasons why your crush doesn’t like you? No, the days of grieving end here. Pull up your socks and turn the page to write a fresh chapter.
How To Get Over A Crush Who Doesn’t Like You Back
Okay, it’s time to confront reality now. Mending your heart from unrequited love is like moving on without any closure. When we fancy someone, we picture them in a perfect frame in our mind. We are so busy convincing ourselves that this is the right person for us, we miss out on the fact that they are also human beings with flaws. Often, this fantasy stays intact even when your love is not reciprocated. Sounds strange, but here’s why: Since you haven’t been in a relationship with this person, you never got a chance to experience the red flags. You checked for all the signs your crush doesn’t like you; he doesn’t. And yet, the voices in your head will keep saying, “He is the one. This person is your last chance of having a happy, fulfilling life. Don’t let him go.” So, how to get over a crush who doesn’t like you back?
1. Consider them as any other normal person in your life for once
Bring them down from that saintly pedestal where you have placed them. Look at them through the glasses of reason and rationality. “Maybe if I try a little harder, he will change his mind,” the voices argue. Well, ask yourself, if you have to try so much to make someone fall in love with you, is it really worth it? Such feelings are supposed to come spontaneously. You cannot force someone to like you with the same intensity as you do.
2. Do not let them take a toll on your self-esteem
Put yourself in the shoes of your crush and evaluate the situation. I am sure, there are times when you dismissed an admirer who confessed their feelings for you. It’s only natural. You are probably wallowing in thoughts such as, ‘My crush doesn’t like me. I am unlovable.’ Trust us, it’s not the end of the world. Quit tormenting yourself looking for reasons why your crush doesn’t like you. By no means, should anyone question their self-worth because one individual failed to see what a wonderful, funny, caring person they are.
3. Living in denial is not a good coping mechanism
It hurts bad, doesn’t it? Let the pain alleviate organically. To pass through the agony, you have to first experience it to its highest magnitude. Reach out to a dear friend who will sit with you, hold your hand, comfort you. Vent your heart out. If you find yourself stuck in a loop, talking to a therapist will be of great help. You may want to visit Bonobolgy’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists to seek professional guidance on this matter.
4. Drop the stalking game
It’s high time you stop stalking them on social media. I have seen one of my closest friends almost lose her sanity over this as she took the rejection pretty hard. Looking for new updates from that person, reading the comments to figure out who they are dating – it’s a vicious circle. You are practically revisiting the wound from which you are trying to heal.
5. Practice self-care
How about we end this article on a happy note? These days, everyone is talking about self-love and peace of mind. Let’s instill a few rituals into our daily routine. Write three positive affirmations every day to boost your confidence level. What was that one hobby you cherished so much as a child? Have you thought about giving it another shot? Deadlines will be a part and parcel of our lives. But you have to set aside some time to sit with your thoughts, process them and filter the negatives in order to move forward. Meet new people. Go on self-dates. Take a solo trip. Maybe revamp your closet or try a new haircut. Forget about all the signs that your crush doesn’t like you – let it go! The world is your oyster! Embrace the colors and the beautiful opportunities awaiting you.
