Some men choose to pretend that nothing wrong happened while others have the courage to reflect on the past relationship. It all depends on his type of personality. If he has a great ego then he’ll know that he messed up when he’s stuck in past but won’t admit it. He’ll just act as nothing has happened and opt to recover the relationship. The fundamental moment when regret hits him is when he starts to deal with loneliness, anxiety, and sorrow. To get a grip on this topic, here are 12 signs a guy knows he messed up:
1. He becomes aware of his flaws
He realizes he messed up when he comes to the conclusion that he needs to reflect on his flaws. It is true that different men might act differently in this situation. Some reflect immediately while others need more time to review their actions. While being distant, he realized that he could work on his flaws while he was part of the relationship. Instead of working things out, he chose to pull away. Now he picked up his mess and chose to change. If he is afraid of committing to you, he will prove the contrary. If he wasn’t very attentive and didn’t listen to you, now he’ll show that he’s a good listener.
2. Acts if nothing has happened
When a guy is aware of his mistakes but his ego prevents him from apologizing, he acts as nothing has happened. After a fight or a breakup, he might talk to you as you were never hurt by his actions. This behavior might seem strange to you, which is pretty normal. He’s interested in getting back in your life once again. Yet, he’s still at war with his ego and reflecting on the past.
3. He’s ashamed of himself
One of the most fundamental signs a guy knows he messed up, is when he is ashamed of his actions. We all know that ignoring or avoiding you is not the right sign to get from an ex-lover. This all depends on the type of your partner/your ex and why he is avoiding you. He knows that he messed up when he feels ashamed to be near you or meet you. If he’s a guy that has principles and morals then don’t take this as a sign of disrespect.
4. He can’t move on
Indeed, he’ll know that he messed up when he’s not able to move on. He keeps reminiscing and looking back at the past. When he realizes that he messed up, he will be lost, feels guilty, and is stuck in the situation. As he dates other women as a result of missing you, he would be stuck in you and be in agony. He thinks that he’ll fill the void from a breakup by jumping into a rebound relationship. That’s not the case. The more he’s apart from you, the more he’ll idolize you.
5. He keeps showing up at your door/at work
Persistence is one of the subtle signs he knows that he messed up. It’s one of the vital signs that the relationship hasn’t ended yet. Now, he is concerned to find a way to connect again with you, or even apologize. He’ll frequent the same places as you, show up at your door or work. He’ll try to be near you as much as possible. Basically, he’s everywhere that you’re at.
6. You’re keeping your distance
The tables have turned. A guy knows he messed up when you’ve been distant with him. If you’ll use No Contact with your ex, this will ring a bell. You won’t return his texts or call and won’t interact with him in every form possible. The scarcity that’s created from the distance will make him understand that he messed it up. He’ll start to wonder what went wrong and what he did.
7. He’s angry and disappointed
Anger and disappointment come from one realizing his own mistakes. Realizing his own mistakes pulls some strings within him. He came to the conclusion that he’s already lost you. This bitter taste will reflect on him and his behavior towards you. To cope with this issue, he will either pick bad habits, will fuss with you again, or will shut himself down.
8. He’s being chaotic
Usually, the one who messes it up in a relationship will go through a roller coaster of emotions. He’ll go from not caring about his actions to beating himself up. His erratic behavior is tightly connected with the fact that he already knows he messed up. Your mutual friends or even you might notice changes in his behavior.
He might keep pleading and begging for forgiveness.
He might drink his pain away.
He’s stuck in this situation.
He denies moving forward or reflecting on his mistakes.
He doesn’t know what to do. One day he’s hot and the other day he’s cold.
9. He texts you long apologetic messages
Once he calls/texts you multiple times after the breakup, he knows that he messed it up. The source of those long apologetic messages is guilt. He feels guilty for breaking up with you or behaving inappropriately towards you. His messages won’t be superficial if he wants to be back with you. If he just wants to feel better himself after apologizing, his messages will be short and straightforward. It’s up to you if you feel like going back with him or not!
10. He implies that you deserve someone else
Here comes the most interesting sign. He accepts his chaotic behavior and his impact on you. He knows that he messed up multiple times and wants to be distant until he works on himself. Thus, he implies or tells straightforwardly that it will be better if you date someone else. It might be a hard situation for you. But, it’s better if you realize earlier on that the relationship is toxic, and it is better to end it.
11. He starts to disconnect from you
One of the signs a guy knows he messed up is when he shuts himself down. Shutting himself down isn’t a result of him wanting you to leave him alone. His mistakes are eating him up and he needs time alone with himself. He might not be able to confront you and instead chooses to avoid the problem. He thinks that disconnecting from you will disconnect from the idea of messing it up.
12. He opens up to you
A man does regret his decision after breaking up. This one is a sure sign that he knows he messed up and regrets it too. He’s vulnerable with you since he acknowledges his mistakes in the relationship. If he’s being honest with you, you’ll notice it by his body language. He’ll be anxious and nervous. He’ll touch his face and won’t standstill. In this case, if he isn’t interested in reconciling the relationship, he won’t open up to you. Check also for other signs. How does he open up the conversations and what types of arguments does he use?
How long does it take for a guy to realize he messed up?
A man realizes he messed up after loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem become part of his life. That can take a month, three months, an eternity…. The breakup hits the dumper not right after parting ways. That hits him when he sees or feels something that’s related to your relationship. After he is incompleted himself. He realizes that he messed up:
- He notices he can’t be himself with anyone else. When he can’t be vulnerable with his other partners that trigger him. At the beginning of the breakup, he’s a free spirit. Being with other partners at the same time doesn’t bother him. You might not even cross his mind. After a month or more and after a few rebound relationships, he’ll know that doesn’t work that way.
- He sees you’ve already moved on. When he notices you’re strong on your own and now he isn’t, that’s what hits him. You succeeded. He’s unhappy, single, and unfulfilled. That’s when you cross his mind. If you move on for two months or less, that’s the moment he realizes that he messed up.
- His sex life is not the same anymore. He might not have been happy with you because of a lack of intimacy. If he has the same problem with other partners, he knows that he messed it up with you. Sometimes the lack of consistency, vulnerability, and compassion messes up a relationship.
- The moment he is free and not loyal to anybody. He might have dated after the breakup but still wasn’t happy or fulfilled. At the beginning of the breakup, this won’t be a problem. When he sees that he’s not succeeding in other relationships, he knows he did wrong to you. How long this will take, depends on your relationship.
- He has trouble creating a new relationship. He has been stuck in the past but used other partners to move on. Yet, nobody doesn’t understand him like you. When he finds it so hard to find someone with whom he can truly connect, that’s the moment of realization.
- He realizes there is no second chance for him. He ponders his decision when he wants to be back with you. The dumper’s remorse hits him when he realizes there’s no second chance for him. He’ll acknowledge that he messed up when you can’t seek a way to fix it. You don’t have the will to do it. You think that there’s no hope in reliving this relationship.
What to do if he comes back after he has messed up?
There is nothing more that you can do than continue your healing and focus on yourself. Mending a relationship is not wrong. Yet, you should know when you should give it a second chance. Don’t get stuck in the moment and let nostalgia and fear pull you back into that relationship. Instead, here are 3 tips to follow, so you can manage the situation! ~ Get a closer look at the reason he came back. Sometimes a man comes back after you go fully distant 2. Keep nourishing yourself. It’s hard to deal with a heartbreak and then come back to it. What we advise you to do during this time, is to not stop your healing process. It’s quite understandable that you feel overwhelmed. A healthy decision won’t be made if you keep fantasizing about your relationship. In other words, hoping that your ex has changed won’t fix anything. You’ll just get stuck in the moment and offer him an option to pull your strings. 3. Use the step-by-step method. There’s no need to rush. If you want to see if he has changed, give him a period of time to demonstrate it. Always if you think that you might make the relationship work again. If you think that there is no room for change and the red flags are still present, then focus on yourself and move on. Handle this situation like a pro, reading these additional articles:
12 signs of disrespect from a man in a relationship;
How to know when to end a relationship;
How to forget about your ex;
Final thoughts: Signs a guy knows he messed up
The moment he realizes he messed up, he’ll be angry, alone, mixed up, and disappointed. He’s going to dive into his own mistakes, once he realizes he’s no longer complete by himself. Neither, the rebound nor the other relationship can fix the void he feels. With a great possibility, he’ll come back to check on you. He wants to pick up where he left off. Don’t jump immediately and be back with your ex just because he chose to come back again. Choose what’s best for your soul, your mental health, and your future! Best wishes, Callisto
